I'm not stupid, I swear!

So,
Another post!
I've decided, in order to motivate myself to update this more often, I'm going to start writing shorter posts about the little things I've learned so far from this experience. My life is too boring at the moment for an update. Nothing really changes anymore. School is still boring/hard, the temperature is still unbearable, thinking about leaving is still really sad, and the rest is still amazing.

What I wanted to talk about in this post was something I've come to realize about myself over the course of the year.

I hate feeling stupid.

When I first got here, I obviously didn't have to participate in class and wasn't really expected to even pay attention. All I had to do was show up, pretend I was studying, take the test, and that was it. Now that my Spanish has significantly improved though, some teachers have started to include me more in the lessons, which is fine for me because the questions are usually pretty easy to answer.

Today though, my Philosophy teacher was explaining to us the positives and negatives for different forms of government. Then, one kid asked him if the United States was part of a dictatorship and if Obama was a dictator. (Yeah.....I know.....) After my Philosophy teacher kindly explained to him exactly how wrong he was, he turned to me and asked“Libby, explain to the class the political system in America” I was a little confused on what he was asking so I just said that America has a democratic government and explained the three different branches. When I finished my explanation, my teacher looked at me and said “No Libby, I don't want to know how the government works, I just want to know what is America.” What is America? What does that even mean? I was so confused so I just sat there and told him I didn't know. My whole class (including my teacher) then proceeded to laugh at me. My Philosophy teacher then said: “Libby, the United States is a part of a republic, you should probably study more about your country before you try and represent it abroad.”

Um, excuse me?

Obviously I tried to defend myself saying that I just didn't understand the question but, it didn't matter. The damage was done. Another one of Libby's frequent dumb answers.

Something I will not miss about Spain and speaking Spanish is the feeling of everyone thinking I don't know anything. Having a conversation is one thing but, explaining something like the Cold War (current history topic) in a second language, is difficult. Nobody seems to understand that though. Everyone just seems to think, no matter how hard I try and tell them otherwise, that if I can't say it in Spanish, I just don't know it. It's extremely frustrating. I'm tired of being the person who always has to ask for help instead of being the person giving it. It's very annoying to hear people asking questions that I know the answer to, but just can't explain it well enough for them to completely understand me.

I hate feeling stupid.

Always having to rely on other people has made me realize that, once I get home, I never want to feel this way again. Before I came here, my determination to do well in school was simply for grades and for college applications. I had no actual desire to learn grammar rules or the genetic code or any of that stuff. Doing it meant good grade so, I did it. Now though, I have a new incentive for learning. Never again, do I want to go into a test not knowing over half the answers, or not be able to take part of a debate because I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I can't stand the feeling of not knowing what's going on around me. Sure, not studying, or not caring about what's going on in the world is convenient and easy but, in the long run, it's not rewarding....at all...

Trust me.

That's probably one of the biggest things I think I got out of this year. The desire to learn instead of having it always feel like an obligation.

Anyways,

I know that some people reading this post may now think of me as a nerd or a loser but, honestly, I don't care. Anything is better than being the dumb kid in the back of the class, staring blankly at the board, not having a clue what's going on.

Pues bueno,
-Buenas Noches :)