I'm not stupid, I swear!

So,
Another post!
I've decided, in order to motivate myself to update this more often, I'm going to start writing shorter posts about the little things I've learned so far from this experience. My life is too boring at the moment for an update. Nothing really changes anymore. School is still boring/hard, the temperature is still unbearable, thinking about leaving is still really sad, and the rest is still amazing.

What I wanted to talk about in this post was something I've come to realize about myself over the course of the year.

I hate feeling stupid.

When I first got here, I obviously didn't have to participate in class and wasn't really expected to even pay attention. All I had to do was show up, pretend I was studying, take the test, and that was it. Now that my Spanish has significantly improved though, some teachers have started to include me more in the lessons, which is fine for me because the questions are usually pretty easy to answer.

Today though, my Philosophy teacher was explaining to us the positives and negatives for different forms of government. Then, one kid asked him if the United States was part of a dictatorship and if Obama was a dictator. (Yeah.....I know.....) After my Philosophy teacher kindly explained to him exactly how wrong he was, he turned to me and asked“Libby, explain to the class the political system in America” I was a little confused on what he was asking so I just said that America has a democratic government and explained the three different branches. When I finished my explanation, my teacher looked at me and said “No Libby, I don't want to know how the government works, I just want to know what is America.” What is America? What does that even mean? I was so confused so I just sat there and told him I didn't know. My whole class (including my teacher) then proceeded to laugh at me. My Philosophy teacher then said: “Libby, the United States is a part of a republic, you should probably study more about your country before you try and represent it abroad.”

Um, excuse me?

Obviously I tried to defend myself saying that I just didn't understand the question but, it didn't matter. The damage was done. Another one of Libby's frequent dumb answers.

Something I will not miss about Spain and speaking Spanish is the feeling of everyone thinking I don't know anything. Having a conversation is one thing but, explaining something like the Cold War (current history topic) in a second language, is difficult. Nobody seems to understand that though. Everyone just seems to think, no matter how hard I try and tell them otherwise, that if I can't say it in Spanish, I just don't know it. It's extremely frustrating. I'm tired of being the person who always has to ask for help instead of being the person giving it. It's very annoying to hear people asking questions that I know the answer to, but just can't explain it well enough for them to completely understand me.

I hate feeling stupid.

Always having to rely on other people has made me realize that, once I get home, I never want to feel this way again. Before I came here, my determination to do well in school was simply for grades and for college applications. I had no actual desire to learn grammar rules or the genetic code or any of that stuff. Doing it meant good grade so, I did it. Now though, I have a new incentive for learning. Never again, do I want to go into a test not knowing over half the answers, or not be able to take part of a debate because I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I can't stand the feeling of not knowing what's going on around me. Sure, not studying, or not caring about what's going on in the world is convenient and easy but, in the long run, it's not rewarding....at all...

Trust me.

That's probably one of the biggest things I think I got out of this year. The desire to learn instead of having it always feel like an obligation.

Anyways,

I know that some people reading this post may now think of me as a nerd or a loser but, honestly, I don't care. Anything is better than being the dumb kid in the back of the class, staring blankly at the board, not having a clue what's going on.

Pues bueno,
-Buenas Noches :)

Rambling

So,
Look how fast I'm posting! I'd like to say that this is going to be a regular thing but, knowing me, it probably won't. I actually wanted to take the time to write something that's been on my mind for the last few days. I promise it won't be long and most of it will just be rambling so feel free not to read it.

I guess I'll start with last year when I first officially decided I wanted to come to Spain. At the time, I was only planning on studying for a semester but I was having a lot of trouble deciding on which one. I ended up choosing the first semester because I honestly was so excited I just couldn't wait an extra six months. Plus, that would mean I could spend Christmas and my birthday with family, would allow me to rejoin swim team before it ended and, it would mean I could go to prom.

Prom.

When I first told people I was actually changing my plan and going for an entire year instead of a semester, there were mixed responses. Obviously, there were the normal concerns about school and missing my family but, one of the main questions I got from people (mostly girls) was “..but what about prom? Is there prom in Spain? You can't miss prom!”

No joke.

Not to say that these people were being completely unreasonable. At the time, my concern about missing prom was just as big as theirs. I'd respond with things like “I know! It's terrible!” or “Hopefully they'll have prom in Spain” I was honestly letting one dance be a factor in my decision to study abroad for an entire year. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure most of this irrational thinking came from the fear of leaving and the upcoming changes that were about to occur. I was worried to be doing something so completely different from everyone else and the consequences I would face if I were to for some reason not be able to complete the year.

Again, I don't mean to sound like prom isn't important or amazing. Looking at all the prom pictures on Facebook, a huge wave of homesickness came over me. All I wanted to do was be home with everyone else getting ready for probably the most anticipated event of the entire year. There was even one moment when I thought to myself “Wow, those guys were right, I should have waited to go a different year, I can't believe I'm missing out on this!” I remained in this state of depression all the way until the next day when I woke up, and completely forgot about it. Prom was over and I was still here, still in Spain enjoying every minute of my last few weeks.

The point I want to make with this little story is that, for anyone who's contemplating studying abroad or who has a friend who's maybe thinking about doing it, do NOT let any small thing like an event or party influence your /their decision. That one event is most likey just some sort of shield to hide from fear. This time last year, prom seemed like it was so important that it could actually have an influence on my plans for this year. Looking back, even though I'm still really excited for prom and many other events of senior year, I now realize how silly I was being for making such little things so important. The fact is, that while those events seem important at the time, they're really not. Not one thing by itself could ever be more memorable than the year I've spent here. While at first I thought maybe prom or spirit week could, they couldn't. The two things just can't compare.

To end this random thought process that really didn't have to do with anything,

I'll leave you with a quote I recently read that inspired this whole blog post. Reading this me made me think back to my worries about prom and other stuff and realize that, in order to live life to the fullest, (not to be extremely cliché or anything) I need to stop over thinking and worrying about everything and continue to take more adventures and risks like the one I took signing up for this year. Of course, this whole life-fulfillness thing didn't just dawn on me in Spain. Obviously I'd heard the stories from adults, warning us kids not to let life pass us by, but I guess it just never really resonated until now. The risk I took this year has so far been by far the most rewarding experience of my life and while I am very sad to have this chapter of my life come to an end, I'm also very excited to see what is up next for me.

Anyways,
Here's the quote..

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

^Yes I know that didn't really have anything to do with my post but, having so many endless hours to think in class somehow led me from that quote to this post

Thanks for reading!

Feriaaaa

So,

Feria.
It's so weird to think that the event I've been waiting for and hearing about for now over eight months, is over. Unfortunately, it went a lot faster for me because I was sick for the first three days. Lucky me.. Besides that though, Feria was definitely worth the wait, and it suprassed any previous expectations I had. People never seemed to rest during Feria. All my friends would get up bright and early every morning, put on their dresses or whatever the guys would wear (basically just nice clothes) and head to Feria. After spending the day walking around and looking at the “Casetas”, which are basically just booths made to be either restaurants or dancing areas, they would go home, change clothes, and go back out for a full night of partying. I honestly have no idea how people did that everyday. I did that routine for two days before I decided to stop going during the day due to the fact that it was impossible for me to get out of bed before 12:00.

I was finally able to try out my Flamenco dancing during Feria. I unfortunately didn't get a video because the days that I dressed up were so hot (over 100 degrees!) that the only time I actually danced was when someone would force me and even then it was only for just a couple minutes. Wearing those dresses in 100 degree weather actually felt like real torture. Between the long sleeves and the thick fabric, plus the little sash thing they make you wear, the ten pounds of makeup I was wearing melted straight off my face.

Speaking of the heat, IT IS SO HOT HERE! I'm pretty sure it has reached at least 100 almost every day for the past two weeks. Apparently this heat isn't normal but, I don't care. These last two weeks have been absolutely terrible. What makes it even worse is that there aren't air-conditioners or fans in my house. I'm currently sitting in my room, (the hottest room in the house) at 9:00 at night, dripping with sweat (disgusting but true), having to stop every 30 seconds to take a sip of water. Paying attention in class is basically impossible. I keep getting all these flashbacks to the beginning of the year when I was experiencing the same problem, although I don't remember it being this bad. Hopefully it'll cool down soon because I really don't want to remember my last few weeks here as being miserable.

Next week is going to be really hard for me because one of my best friends that I've made this year is leaving to go back to the United States. Luckily he only lives in New Hampshire so I'll get to see him once I get back but, still, it's definitely going to be different and sad not having him here. I hate saying goodbye. I hated it when I left and I hate it even more here. It's different here because saying goodbye to people is basically saying goodbye forever. When I left back in September, those goodbyes felt like they'd be forever because I never really thought about this year actually ending. Now that I'm close to the end though, I've realized how much harder it will be to say goodbye to all the friends I've made here. Sure, I'm already planning my next visit back here but, it won't be the same. Everyone will be separated, I won't be with my exchange friends, and I'll once again feel like a visitor instead of someone who lives here. All of this is still a month away so I don't have to worry about it quite yet but, him leaving keeps making me think about my own inevitable departure. Something I'm not quite yet ready to fully think about. I'll save that for later.

Anyways,

I have to go study Economy.....
como siempre...
Adioss

Here's a few pictures I took during Feria