It's not goodbye, it's see you later

So,

I'm sorry. I know I said I would write more shorter posts about what I had learned from this year abroad. Soon after I wrote my last post though, I realized that I hadn't actually taken the time to think about what I really had learned. I knew I'd learned a lot and that I'd changed a lot but, I felt like I needed some time to actually think about it. I then decided to disconnect myself from people back home for the last month until I left Jerez to really try and get as much out of Spain while I still could. It was on the train leaving Jerez, when everything was starting to sink in, that I realized what I'd been trying to figure out these past few weeks. I remembered my first train ride from Barcelona to Jerez back in September. I thought about who I was at that point and who I am now and I realized that, while I'm obviously still the same person, I'm also completely different. I have a completely different mindset on so many things. The thing is, most of these changes were so gradual I didn't notice they'd even occurred until I really thought about it. I won't go into too many of the details because most of them are pretty boring but, some of the biggest things that I think I've learned/gained from this whole experience are:

-How to immerse into and accept a completely different culture

-How to speak a second language

-How to travel within Europe

-How to find common ground and even become friends with people completely different from me

-How to live on my own for an extended period of time

-The feeling of actually having a desire to learn instead of having it always feel like an obligation. (like I wrote about in my previous post)

Obviously I could go on and on about how this year was so much more than just a year for learning Spanish and how it was the best year of my life but, I won't, because I really could just go on forever.

I left Jerez over a week ago and am now currently sitting in Barcelona with my dad who's most likely playing Words with Friends like he's been doing majority of his free time on our trip. I'm coming home tomorrow and now that I've had a week to process everything, I couldn't be more excited. Not to say that I don't miss Jerez and my life there. Leaving Jerez was by far the most difficult thing I've ever done. Saying goodbye literally left a pain in my stomach that still hasn't fully gone away. It was so much harder leaving than it was coming here because I honestly don't know when I'll see these people again. In a perfect world, I'll be able to save up enough money to come back next summer and all my friends will still be in Jerez and things can just go back to the way they were. This isn't a perfect world though and even if I do save up enough money to come back, nothing will be like it was. Everything will be different and that's what I think saddens me the most. My exchange friends won't be there, my class will be all split up in possibly completely different parts of the country, and most importantly, I'll only be able to stay for a couple weeks or so and then I'll just have to leave all over again. I didn't just say goodbye to a school, a town, a family, and some of the best people I've ever met. I also was forced to say goodbye to an entire life that I'd formed there in Jerez. A life that unfortunately, I will never get back. I'm obviously very excited to be back with my friends and family back home. It's something I've been excited about since the moment I left. The combination of excitement and sadness has left me more confused than I've ever been in my life. I just hope being home will help me figure everything out. One thing's for sure though, no matter how long it takes me, I will be back.

In the past week I've been to Madrid, Paris, Rome, and back here to Barcelona. Traveling around has been a great distraction and I've seen/done some amazing things that I will definitely remember for the rest of my life. Another important thing I learned this year is that, I love to travel. Seeing one new culture has made me want to see all of them. I want to see, try, and learn as much as I can as soon as possible.

Anyways,

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog this year. This blog has been a great way for me to share everything I've done and it will be also be a nice way for me to remember how truly amazing this year was. I plan on writing one more post about what it's like to be home because I know there will definitely be some reverse culture shock.

So until then,

Adioooos

I'm not stupid, I swear!

So,
Another post!
I've decided, in order to motivate myself to update this more often, I'm going to start writing shorter posts about the little things I've learned so far from this experience. My life is too boring at the moment for an update. Nothing really changes anymore. School is still boring/hard, the temperature is still unbearable, thinking about leaving is still really sad, and the rest is still amazing.

What I wanted to talk about in this post was something I've come to realize about myself over the course of the year.

I hate feeling stupid.

When I first got here, I obviously didn't have to participate in class and wasn't really expected to even pay attention. All I had to do was show up, pretend I was studying, take the test, and that was it. Now that my Spanish has significantly improved though, some teachers have started to include me more in the lessons, which is fine for me because the questions are usually pretty easy to answer.

Today though, my Philosophy teacher was explaining to us the positives and negatives for different forms of government. Then, one kid asked him if the United States was part of a dictatorship and if Obama was a dictator. (Yeah.....I know.....) After my Philosophy teacher kindly explained to him exactly how wrong he was, he turned to me and asked“Libby, explain to the class the political system in America” I was a little confused on what he was asking so I just said that America has a democratic government and explained the three different branches. When I finished my explanation, my teacher looked at me and said “No Libby, I don't want to know how the government works, I just want to know what is America.” What is America? What does that even mean? I was so confused so I just sat there and told him I didn't know. My whole class (including my teacher) then proceeded to laugh at me. My Philosophy teacher then said: “Libby, the United States is a part of a republic, you should probably study more about your country before you try and represent it abroad.”

Um, excuse me?

Obviously I tried to defend myself saying that I just didn't understand the question but, it didn't matter. The damage was done. Another one of Libby's frequent dumb answers.

Something I will not miss about Spain and speaking Spanish is the feeling of everyone thinking I don't know anything. Having a conversation is one thing but, explaining something like the Cold War (current history topic) in a second language, is difficult. Nobody seems to understand that though. Everyone just seems to think, no matter how hard I try and tell them otherwise, that if I can't say it in Spanish, I just don't know it. It's extremely frustrating. I'm tired of being the person who always has to ask for help instead of being the person giving it. It's very annoying to hear people asking questions that I know the answer to, but just can't explain it well enough for them to completely understand me.

I hate feeling stupid.

Always having to rely on other people has made me realize that, once I get home, I never want to feel this way again. Before I came here, my determination to do well in school was simply for grades and for college applications. I had no actual desire to learn grammar rules or the genetic code or any of that stuff. Doing it meant good grade so, I did it. Now though, I have a new incentive for learning. Never again, do I want to go into a test not knowing over half the answers, or not be able to take part of a debate because I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I can't stand the feeling of not knowing what's going on around me. Sure, not studying, or not caring about what's going on in the world is convenient and easy but, in the long run, it's not rewarding....at all...

Trust me.

That's probably one of the biggest things I think I got out of this year. The desire to learn instead of having it always feel like an obligation.

Anyways,

I know that some people reading this post may now think of me as a nerd or a loser but, honestly, I don't care. Anything is better than being the dumb kid in the back of the class, staring blankly at the board, not having a clue what's going on.

Pues bueno,
-Buenas Noches :)

Rambling

So,
Look how fast I'm posting! I'd like to say that this is going to be a regular thing but, knowing me, it probably won't. I actually wanted to take the time to write something that's been on my mind for the last few days. I promise it won't be long and most of it will just be rambling so feel free not to read it.

I guess I'll start with last year when I first officially decided I wanted to come to Spain. At the time, I was only planning on studying for a semester but I was having a lot of trouble deciding on which one. I ended up choosing the first semester because I honestly was so excited I just couldn't wait an extra six months. Plus, that would mean I could spend Christmas and my birthday with family, would allow me to rejoin swim team before it ended and, it would mean I could go to prom.

Prom.

When I first told people I was actually changing my plan and going for an entire year instead of a semester, there were mixed responses. Obviously, there were the normal concerns about school and missing my family but, one of the main questions I got from people (mostly girls) was “..but what about prom? Is there prom in Spain? You can't miss prom!”

No joke.

Not to say that these people were being completely unreasonable. At the time, my concern about missing prom was just as big as theirs. I'd respond with things like “I know! It's terrible!” or “Hopefully they'll have prom in Spain” I was honestly letting one dance be a factor in my decision to study abroad for an entire year. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure most of this irrational thinking came from the fear of leaving and the upcoming changes that were about to occur. I was worried to be doing something so completely different from everyone else and the consequences I would face if I were to for some reason not be able to complete the year.

Again, I don't mean to sound like prom isn't important or amazing. Looking at all the prom pictures on Facebook, a huge wave of homesickness came over me. All I wanted to do was be home with everyone else getting ready for probably the most anticipated event of the entire year. There was even one moment when I thought to myself “Wow, those guys were right, I should have waited to go a different year, I can't believe I'm missing out on this!” I remained in this state of depression all the way until the next day when I woke up, and completely forgot about it. Prom was over and I was still here, still in Spain enjoying every minute of my last few weeks.

The point I want to make with this little story is that, for anyone who's contemplating studying abroad or who has a friend who's maybe thinking about doing it, do NOT let any small thing like an event or party influence your /their decision. That one event is most likey just some sort of shield to hide from fear. This time last year, prom seemed like it was so important that it could actually have an influence on my plans for this year. Looking back, even though I'm still really excited for prom and many other events of senior year, I now realize how silly I was being for making such little things so important. The fact is, that while those events seem important at the time, they're really not. Not one thing by itself could ever be more memorable than the year I've spent here. While at first I thought maybe prom or spirit week could, they couldn't. The two things just can't compare.

To end this random thought process that really didn't have to do with anything,

I'll leave you with a quote I recently read that inspired this whole blog post. Reading this me made me think back to my worries about prom and other stuff and realize that, in order to live life to the fullest, (not to be extremely cliché or anything) I need to stop over thinking and worrying about everything and continue to take more adventures and risks like the one I took signing up for this year. Of course, this whole life-fulfillness thing didn't just dawn on me in Spain. Obviously I'd heard the stories from adults, warning us kids not to let life pass us by, but I guess it just never really resonated until now. The risk I took this year has so far been by far the most rewarding experience of my life and while I am very sad to have this chapter of my life come to an end, I'm also very excited to see what is up next for me.

Anyways,
Here's the quote..

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

^Yes I know that didn't really have anything to do with my post but, having so many endless hours to think in class somehow led me from that quote to this post

Thanks for reading!

Feriaaaa

So,

Feria.
It's so weird to think that the event I've been waiting for and hearing about for now over eight months, is over. Unfortunately, it went a lot faster for me because I was sick for the first three days. Lucky me.. Besides that though, Feria was definitely worth the wait, and it suprassed any previous expectations I had. People never seemed to rest during Feria. All my friends would get up bright and early every morning, put on their dresses or whatever the guys would wear (basically just nice clothes) and head to Feria. After spending the day walking around and looking at the “Casetas”, which are basically just booths made to be either restaurants or dancing areas, they would go home, change clothes, and go back out for a full night of partying. I honestly have no idea how people did that everyday. I did that routine for two days before I decided to stop going during the day due to the fact that it was impossible for me to get out of bed before 12:00.

I was finally able to try out my Flamenco dancing during Feria. I unfortunately didn't get a video because the days that I dressed up were so hot (over 100 degrees!) that the only time I actually danced was when someone would force me and even then it was only for just a couple minutes. Wearing those dresses in 100 degree weather actually felt like real torture. Between the long sleeves and the thick fabric, plus the little sash thing they make you wear, the ten pounds of makeup I was wearing melted straight off my face.

Speaking of the heat, IT IS SO HOT HERE! I'm pretty sure it has reached at least 100 almost every day for the past two weeks. Apparently this heat isn't normal but, I don't care. These last two weeks have been absolutely terrible. What makes it even worse is that there aren't air-conditioners or fans in my house. I'm currently sitting in my room, (the hottest room in the house) at 9:00 at night, dripping with sweat (disgusting but true), having to stop every 30 seconds to take a sip of water. Paying attention in class is basically impossible. I keep getting all these flashbacks to the beginning of the year when I was experiencing the same problem, although I don't remember it being this bad. Hopefully it'll cool down soon because I really don't want to remember my last few weeks here as being miserable.

Next week is going to be really hard for me because one of my best friends that I've made this year is leaving to go back to the United States. Luckily he only lives in New Hampshire so I'll get to see him once I get back but, still, it's definitely going to be different and sad not having him here. I hate saying goodbye. I hated it when I left and I hate it even more here. It's different here because saying goodbye to people is basically saying goodbye forever. When I left back in September, those goodbyes felt like they'd be forever because I never really thought about this year actually ending. Now that I'm close to the end though, I've realized how much harder it will be to say goodbye to all the friends I've made here. Sure, I'm already planning my next visit back here but, it won't be the same. Everyone will be separated, I won't be with my exchange friends, and I'll once again feel like a visitor instead of someone who lives here. All of this is still a month away so I don't have to worry about it quite yet but, him leaving keeps making me think about my own inevitable departure. Something I'm not quite yet ready to fully think about. I'll save that for later.

Anyways,

I have to go study Economy.....
como siempre...
Adioss

Here's a few pictures I took during Feria

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hola!
So,
A lot has happened since I last posted.

First, as I'm sure a few people know, the rest of my family came to visit me here in Jerez. From there we traveled to Malaga and Cadiz which was nice because I'd never been to Malaga and the beach in Cadiz is absolutely beautiful. I'm very excited to start spending all my weekends there before I leave, which by the way, is exactly two months from today! Of course, after I leave Jerez I'll be doing a little more traveling before I go back to the States but, to me, the day I leave Jerez is the day this year ends. I've never been more emotionally confused about anything in my entire life. I mean, on one hand, I can think about the fact that in just a little over eight weeks I'll be back home with my friends and family, in a place where I don't have to constantly think about what I want to say before I say it. On the other hand, I really have grown accustomed to my life here. Jerez is like a second home to me. The people here feel like my real friends and family, and I have a feeling that going back to speaking English all the time is going to end up boring me after a while. There's no challenge in it and I've come to learn that I need to be challenged or I will get extremely bored, extremely fast. Luckily I've signed myself for four AP classes next year which should be all the challenge I need for one year.

On a lighter note, I finally bought my flamenco dress last week! Feria is still more than two weeks away but I'm already super excited. People have been talking about this festival since literally the day that I got here. I'm not sure if I've talked about Feria before but if I haven't, it's basically like a bigger, longer, more amazing version of Clam Fest (for all the Yarmouth readers), for anyone outside of Yarmouth, picture the biggest fair you've ever been to and then double, maybe even triple it. The dress I bought is for the Sevillana dance that I've been learning. I don't have a picture of the exact dress yet but I'll put a picture of a slightly different one so you get the idea. The problem with the dress is, is that because I have broad swimmer shoulders instead of the typical tiny Spanish shoulders, the tailor has to make a lot of variations to the dress making it cost a fortune.. lucky me... (well, actually, lucky parents... heh heh)

I'm not looking forward to these next couple of weeks before Feria. Teachers, knowing nobody is going to school during Feria, have decided to assign a ton of homework and tests making me pretty stressed out. That, on top of my dance classes, on top of my new pact to go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week, on top of dress fittings, has me REALLY stressed out. The only reason I'm able to write this blog post is because I'd planned myself 20 minutes of nap time for today but decided that the time would be better used writing a blog post, considering how little I've been posting recently. Usually I do pretty well with stress but it's a lot harder when you have to add listening and speaking in another language on top of everything else. Basically, even though I just had one, I need a vacation.

In History, we've just started learning about World War II. Even though I already knew most of what was being taught, it was really interesting to hear what people had to say about it from a different country. Most people didn't even know what Pearl Harbor was, and had some pretty interesting opinions about the United States and their involvement. I can't explain everything because I still have trouble completely understanding what people are saying when they're not talking to me but, from what I understood, the general opinion of the class was that the United States had a very minimal affect on World War II. I guess when my classmates think of World War II, they generally just think of Germany and the Nazi's. Luckily, I have a really good History teacher here who is doing a pretty good job at enlightening my class just how complex that war actually was.

Anyways,

According to my pretty busy schedule, I now have to go the gym, then to a friends house to practice guitar (finally), and then back home for a nice fun three hours of homework.

Yayyy
Adioss

Cute, right?

Semana Santa in Jerez

So,
I'm sorry it has been almost been a month since I've posted but between exams, lack of internet, and Semana Santa, I've been really busy.


Starting from a few weeks ago, I finally finished my exams for the trimester. I won't go into my grades like I did last trimester but in short, I failed the same three classes as last time and my math grade improved by one whole point! Two points from passing! I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not going to pass math this year. Thankfully, I only need three years of math to graduate so as long as I study this summer, I should be fine for next year. As for the rest of my grades, the classes that I did pass were mostly the same as last trimester which while I was hoping to improve, at this point, I've sort of given up caring. As long as I pass, to me, that's all that really matters.


I'm currently on break for Semana Santa. I wanted to post earlier with more information about the holiday but, no matter how many people I asked, everyone kept telling me it was too hard to explain and that I just had to wait to see it for myself. Well, from what I've seen so far, Semana Santa has definitely lived up to its reputation. Basically, each day, hundreds of people gather to the central to see different “paso's” which are scenes depicting different events that Jesus went through in the time between his arrest and his death. There are also many "paso's" showing the Virgin Mary grieving over what has happened to her son. These scenes are sculptures carried all throughout the central as you'll see in the pictures below. In front of the sculptures are people wearing hooded costumes that I think are worn to grieve the death of Jesus, (don't quote me on that). I do know that they have absolutely nothing to do with the Ku Klux Klan except for the fact that the Ku Klux Klan may have gotten their costume inspiration from seeing the mourners in Semana Santa. At the end of each “paso” there is a huge marching band which plays intense, dramatic music. I've already heard all the music though considering they've been practicing right outside my house for months...... Behind the band, there is usually a huge group of people following the procession and chanting some sort of prayers. In the windows, there are people who sing traditional religious songs to the sculpture. I've only seen this once but, it was definitely nothing like any singing I've ever heard. It basically just sounded like a bunch of screaming but, I mean, everyone clapped at the end so I guess the screamings normal. Anyways, after I saw the first paso, I made it my mission to experience this holiday to the fullest. The majority of my friends have taken this week to do some traveling, but not me. I've gone out almost every day this week and so far, I've followed one of the processions for over two hours, participated in one of the religious chant things (even though I had no idea what it meant) and, was able to go inside the main cathedral of Jerez and watch as each paso “greeted God”. I was very lucky to be able to do this because only about 20 people out of thousands were able to get in. These next few days are I guess the most important days of Semana Santa and everyone's expected to get really dressed up. Unfortunately, all of my clothes are in the wash so, I don't know exactly how I'm going to do that. Oh well.

In other news, I've been taking my flamenco classes for almost a month now and I've already learned the first four parts! My teacher told me I was a natural which I just had to laugh at considering my previous dance experiences.... I apparently will be all set for Feria which is exciting. Now all I have to do is buy my dress which I still have yet to do..

Anyways,

It's 4:00 here which means I have to go start getting ready for this afternoon's processions.
Adiosss

 NOT the Ku Klux Klan

 Virgin Mary

Following one of the processions

These are only a few photos to give you the basic idea, I'll try and post more after Semana Santa is over

Ya lo sé, I'm a hypocrite

So,

As you may have guessed, it was really nice to see my mom last week. It was a little weird to see someone from Yarmouth here in Jerez but, it was cool to show her where I'd been living for the past six months and introduce her to all my friends. I was also able to go to Madrid which was definitely an interesting experience. It's true what they say, Madrid is just like New York, but with smaller buildings. The crowds were the same, the huge stores, the lit up billboards. It actually made me a little homesick for some reason but luckily I'm past that now. There really isn't any reason to be homesick anymore considering I have less than four months left before I go home for good.

I started my flamenco dance class on Monday which was definitely an interesting experience. I obviously am nowhere near ready for Feria but, I did learn a few steps which was pretty cool. It really is a beautiful dance and I'm excited to continue trying to learn it in the weeks to come. Despite all my previous complaints revolving around dancing, I am actually enjoying these classes. I'm going to look for Feria dresses soon with my host family and friends from school. They're all very excited about helping me pick out a dress. Today in school, the girls in my class had an argument about which color/style would look best on me. We never actually finished the debate but I'm leaving the choice up to them considering I know absolutely nothing about flamenco dresses and which kinds do/don't look good on a person.

I'm pretty sure Spain skipped spring. Two weeks ago, I was writing my blog post shivering in my room wearing two shirts and a sweatshirt with three blankets. Today, I'm sitting here in a t-shirt and shorts with a sunburn. This is apparently what the people of Jerez call Spring but considering the temperature feels about the same as Yarmouth in mid-July, I don't even want to know what Summer is going to be like. I most likely will come back to Yarmouth permanently sunburned......if that's even possible....

Semana Santa (Holy Week) begins in a couple of weeks and people are already excited. They've been setting up for the parade and festivities for about a week now and as I said, we still have two weeks left to get ready for everything. I think the main reason people are so excited is because we get the entire week off for vacation but still, it seems a little early to already start preparing. I won't go into too much detail now about what it's about but as it starts to get closer to Semana Santa I'll try and write more about it.

So apparently my grades for the second trimester are coming out soon which I'm already nervous for. I really have worked hard this trimester but I'm pretty sure my grades are worse than last trimester. This is because my teachers are really starting to treat me like part of the class and not give me any special attention. There are still teachers like my Literature and History teacher who really try to help me understand what's going on, but there are others, like my math teacher (who I swear sighs whenever I walk in the classroom) that just are no help whatsoever. This week, and next week, are exam weeks which are seriously the worst weeks ever. This week I had two math exams and on Friday I have a History and Philosophy exam. Next week, I have Economy on Monday, French and Science on Tuesday, English and Literature on Wednesday, another History exam on Thursday, and English on Friday.

Que miedooo.

Anyways,

I actually can't write anymore because my brain is starting to hurt just thinking about these next couple of weeks.

Good thing I can do some of this studying on the beach this weekend. ;)

Hasta Luego

-Libby